I have a cousin that has a pretty bad fear of flying. I've been trying to get her to fly with me for a while. My question is: If I succeed, what should I do to make the experience better?
I've tried to find advice online, but the only resources I can find are either geared toward helping yourself get over a fear of flying, or what to do if you're a passenger on a commercial jet with a scared friend. I'm looking for something a little more pilot-specific.
Take them for a ride early in the morning, just after sunrise, or at least before 9AM. The flight will be silky smooth. Be very smooth yourself. Enter and exit turns gently, avoid any sudden pitch moves. Fly like you have a case of nitro-glycerin in the seat beside you.
Take them through the preflight and all the preparations. In the air, tell them what you're doing in a relaxed travelogue soothing voice. It they think you're nervous, it'll wind them up tight. Calm confidence in your voice will work wonders.
Get them focused on the sights outside at first.
After about 15 min, ask them if they want to take a little try at the controls, just the wheel/stick and talk them through a few turns etc. Don't push if they say no.
Mostly though, smooth air, smooth flying, and calm voice/demeanor are the main things.
The reasons and/or motivators for a fear of flight vary largely from person to person. Some people fear it because of motion sickness, others don’t like air turbulence or the idea of dying in an airplane crash is particularly traumatic and frightening. I once flew with a man who only became scared on final approach because he didn’t like the sight of the runway and the ground approaching. People vary greatly in their perceptions of the world around them and, combined with a wide variety of experiences, can suffer trauma and unpleasant sensations, even in seemingly innocuous or perfectly safe environments, no matter how irrational they might be. A six year old child may be terrified of a friendly dog due to a traumatic event a year earlier where she was bitten by a different one. She now associates canines with fear and being bitten. Likewise flying can be a painful if they had a first bad experience or saw a news story about an airplane crash. Provide them with fun, positive experiences associated with flying they can get over that, or at least assuage most of their fear.
The best advice I can give you is:
Ask this person why they don’t enjoy flying. You can’t help them if you don’t know what bothers them so much.
DO NOT DISMISS THEIR FEARS. Doing this only makes it worse and could potentially cost you a friend.
Suggest ways to counter their fears. The best way to approach this is to identify positive ways they can assuage we their fears. For instance if the fear is rooted in airsickness, give them some good ways to minimize this through breathing deeply and look outside the aircraft.
Enable them to overcome their fears, if they want to, in a positive and fun environment. You don’t want to force them into an environment, where they’re scared, barking orders at them like a drill sergeant. Instead, provide an environment in which they can overcome their fears in a safe and enjoyable way. And when they do, give them a lot of positivity. It’s a great way to allow them to clear obstacles in their life and pave the way to something a lot better.
If you take them flying, remember to do so in an enjoyable manner. Like John K said, above, fly the airplane in a smooth and non-startling manner, taking into account the things that your friend may have told you that scare them about flying. DO NOT discuss negative things like gruesome details about accidents, etc. Remember the key here is a positive experience to nullify any negative feelings they experience about flying. Also make the flight part of something that’s fun about aviation. Take them out for a good hundred dollar hamburger. Fly over a national landmark. The experience of flying in a small airplane is quite different from that of a commercial airliner, which I’m sure they’re used to. You’ll see a lot more of the world and you’re down lower so there’s more to take in.
The main problem lies within the irrationality of the fear of flying. While there may be many reasons to be anxious about flying, none of them are "statistically reasonable", with the exception of unwillingness to travel by air because of motion sickness, which I do not think classifies as fear of flying per se.
Since the fear of flying is irrational, it is highly unlikely it can be overcome with reasoning. The subject has made a profound internal analysis that deems flying terrifying. Facts about the safety of air travel will not help, and neither do reassurances of the multiple layers of safety within the industry. The prognosis is not good, so to say.
Have you inquired your cousin what is the reason for her phobia? That may give you some clue as to how to approach the subject, keeping in mind what I wrote above. Above all, I certainly would ditch the idea of persuading her to fly with you as any sort of a goal.
My suggestion is to offer her a chance to familiarize herself with aviation at her own pace, with no binding schedule and, most importantly, a chance to bail out at any point (pun intended). This introduction should be done in steps, that can, and preferably should be distributed to separate occasions:
Main point is to explain to her you have this plan with the general steps above, and that at any point she can stop, and there will be no persuasion, picking or anything negative. No strings attached.
If your local field has a cafe or a good sighting area, that's a very good starting point: go planespotting first (and secretly hope no-one effes up while you are watching). If there are night operations, do a night picnic, airfields are mesmerizing places by night. You should aim at making flying more interesting and exciting than it is frightening.
And remember: if her phobia is anything but mild, it'll most likely be way out of your league to fix. Fear of flying is usually quite impermeable.
You can offer to help them, but putting pressure on them to fly might actually make the problem worse. You can only help people that want to be helped. As others have said if they do want your help, be as careful as you can. Any bad experience will only make the issue worse.
Many people are afraid of flying. I used to work for an airline and was pass riding back to MIA. Knowing I was an employee that sat a pilot beside me who was over his hours and had to ride back to MIA. He explained to me while he loved flying planes, he was scared of riding in them when he was not the one at the controls. For the entire flight he had a white knuckled grip on the arm rests, was staring straight head, he was pale, and would only grunt in response to questions. Once we landed he was fine. So your friend is not alone in their fears.
Frame challenge: Don’t take the cousin flying.
The OP clearly wants to take the cousin up, e.g. “I’ve been trying to get her to fly with me for a while”, “if I succeed” (emphasis added).
But there’s nothing in the question or the OP’s comments to indicate that the cousin wants to go flying with the OP, a private pilot.
There is plenty about how the cousin has a fear of flying, e.g. “she’s said that she hates being so scared when she has to fly commercial, and would like to get over her fear at some point.” But that is all about commercial air travel, which is quite a bit different than flying with a private pilot: it has a purpose other than recreation and it’s significantly safer.
(One commenter says “Well, ‘she asked me help her get over her fear of flying by taking her up’ lends a different vibe to your intro paragraph”, which would be true, but I don’t see how that’s an accurate reading of the question and comments.)
Another thing worth noting is the claim that “we laugh and joke about it all the time”. It is a very common tactic for women to use humor to deflect a conversation when they don’t feel comfortable explicitly saying no. So I’m quite skeptical this should be taken as an indication that the cousin wants to fly with OP.
In my view, the best reading of this question is that the OP wants to take the cousin flying, the cousin is not interested, and the OP is missing or misinterpreting the cues indicating that disinterest. If the cousin actually wanted to go flying with the OP, she would have stated that clearly and explicitly, and the OP would have relayed that clear and explicit interest in the question as originally written.
