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This is funny!

Please post jokes, pictures, cartoons, videos related to pilots, air/ground controllers, aircraft mechanics, flight/cabin/ground crew or anyone/anything related to aviation.

Rules

  • Any material should not be offensive, rude or insulting to any group.
  • If that material requires proper attribution, please verify that by posting it here, no copyright rules are being violated.
  • You can add your own personal story as a joke. However, this is not the Aviation Blog. We are quite active over there and will be very happy if you want to contribute. Please come visit the chat room Readback, and ping the owner of the room for permissions.
  • This post is not for rep generation, hence all posts should be wiki. Mods are watching, and one of them has a cattle prod (yes, the electric one).
  • The material you are posting should be strictly related to aviation.
  • Make sure that the post is readable, and properly formatted.
  • Brevity is a virtue.

Please remember:

Before flagging it as off-topic, or too broad, or low quality (really, doesn't that depend on you), please refer to this discussion behind the motive of this post. More information is present in the links in that question and the comment which follows.

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    $\begingroup$ I read the linked discussion and I'm voting to close. The argument for keeping the thread is "precedent" but the precedent in question is two old questions, both of which have been locked due to not being appropriate Stack Exchange content. So precedent actually says we close this. $\endgroup$
    – David Richerby
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 0:37
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    $\begingroup$ The linked Meta discussion also has more votes saying to close than to keep this question. Maybe it should be migrated to Meta.Av? $\endgroup$
    – Danny Beckett
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 0:38
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    $\begingroup$ @DannyBeckett It's not a discussion about how Aviation.SE should work so it's off-topic there, too. This sort of thing belongs on chat. $\endgroup$
    – David Richerby
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 0:42
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    $\begingroup$ going by the favorites to upvotes ratio for this question, i will vote to reopen if it becomes available. the rationale for keeping the "precedent" questions open should also be considered precedent. $\endgroup$
    – Erich
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 1:43
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    $\begingroup$ @erich But the precedent questions weren't kept open. They're locked, which means that they can't be edited, answered or commented on but they're not deleted. The only reason they've not been deleted is that it was felt that they were OK questions when they were posted but times have moved on and standards have changed. $\endgroup$
    – David Richerby
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 10:02

14 Answers 14

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27
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Pilots Vs Maintenance Engineers

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
S: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

(Source)

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21
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Don't click on the wing.

Aviation related xkcd has to be here somewhere at least

https://xkcd.com/726/

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    $\begingroup$ Caption reads: "Don't click the wing." $\endgroup$
    – Jason C
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 0:30
  • $\begingroup$ appropriate to have an XKCD commic on a stack exchange website. $\endgroup$
    – steampowered
    Commented Aug 13, 2015 at 14:53
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Picture of an aircraft's wing, with 4 engines. A twin-engine aircraft is visible at a lower altitude.
Please click here for the source of this image.

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16
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Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

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15
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Saint Peter was standing at the Pearly Gates, and a pilot walks up and says "My name is Joe, I'm a pilot, I think you've got a place for me." Saint Peter starts flipping through his book. Flip, flip, flip... "Ah yes Joe, here you are. Take this golden staff, harp, and silk robe, and pass through to the right where you'll meet the choir you've been assigned."

A minute later, another man walks up. "Hello Saint Peter, My name is Bob. I'm a retired pastor. I think you've got a place for me." Saint Peter starts flipping through his book. Flip, flip, flip.... "Ah yes, Bob, here you are. Take this wooden staff, this ukulele, and this cotton robe, and pass through to the right where you'll meet the choir you've been assigned."

Bob says (a little miffed) "Well, alright I guess... but why did that pilot guy get all that fancy stuff?"

Saint Peter says "Well y'see Bob, we work on the cause-and-effect principle here. While you spent years preaching, most of your congregation was asleep. When Joe there was flying, everybody who flew with him was praying."

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11
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A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket in economy. Noticing an empty seat in first class, she moves up and sits down.

The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman she needs to move back to economy. The blonde replies, "I have never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here until we get to New York."

The captain, having been informed of the situation, goes back and tells the blonde that her assigned seat is in economy, and again, she replies the same.

Not wanting to cause a commotion, the captain returns to the cockpit to discuss the situation with the first officer. The FO says his girlfriend is blonde, and that he'll take care of it. He goes back and whispers something in the blonde's ear. Immediately she gets up, thanks the FO profusely, and returns to economy. The captain and flight attendant are stunned and ask the FO how he was able to so quickly diffuse the situation.

The FO replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York."

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    $\begingroup$ Any material should not be offensive, rude or insulting to any group. $\endgroup$
    – raptortech97
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 14:30
  • $\begingroup$ Recent research suggests that having fair hair can seriously damage a woman's career $\endgroup$
    – mins
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 21:08
  • $\begingroup$ Any reason the person has to be a woman, or a blonde, for the joke to be funny? I'd suggest revising. $\endgroup$
    – egid
    Commented Apr 17, 2015 at 8:16
  • $\begingroup$ @egid i welcome your edits. $\endgroup$
    – Erich
    Commented Apr 18, 2015 at 13:30
  • $\begingroup$ I'd really appreciate it if you could make the attempt. $\endgroup$
    – egid
    Commented Apr 18, 2015 at 15:56
10
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This picture always give me a good chuckle enter image description here

As does this one

enter image description here

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6
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enter image description here

(Source is Punditkitchen.com, but the page seems not to exist anymore)

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One day in the not too distant future, so the hoary old story goes, airliners will have only two crew members on the flight deck — a pilot and a dog. At the press conference on the occasion of the introduction of the first of those airliners, the journalists ask: "What is the job of the dog?"

Answer: "To bite the pilot if he touches the controls!"

Journalists: "Makes sense. But why keep the pilot in the cockpit?"

Answer: "Someone has to to feed the dog!"

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5
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The advantage of a twin engine plane over single engine? The second engine gets you to the crash site faster.

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  • $\begingroup$ The alternative way I've heard this is that "In a twin, when you lose one engine, you have the second to fly you to the crash site." $\endgroup$
    – reirab
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 5:06
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enter image description here

The image has been taken from ChickenWings Comics

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Controller: United 6, make a 360.

Pilot: Approach, this here is a 747 that costs \$12000 per hour to operate. a 360 takes 10 minutes.

Controller: Great, give me a \$2,000 turn.

Pilot: Sydney Approach, United 5, 10,000. We happy to be visiting your little island, and we have the airport in sight 12 o'clock.

Approach: United 5, roger. Turn right, follow the coast, expect the visual for 35.

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    $\begingroup$ I don't get that second one... $\endgroup$
    – Johnny
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 1:05
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    $\begingroup$ @Johnny - I suspect the joke is missing the part where the aircraft is approaching from the north, and that Australia is not so little when you have to go all the way around it to make the visual 35. $\endgroup$
    – Steve V.
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 3:03
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    $\begingroup$ @Johnny It's also sometimes heard as "Roger, cleared to circle the island twice, then expect the visual for runway 35." $\endgroup$
    – voretaq7
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 3:31
  • $\begingroup$ SYD doesn't have a runway 35... or is that also part of the joke? $\endgroup$
    – Erich
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 6:05
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    $\begingroup$ i never explain jokes $\endgroup$
    – rbp
    Commented Apr 10, 2015 at 12:46
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A crew member just gets hired on as a new flight attendant. On their very first flight the crew has a three day layover. The captain shows the flight attendant around the city including some of the best restaurants and hotels.

When the crew is finally ready for their return trip they just can't find the new flight attendant anywhere. The airplane takes off in half an hour and the new flight attendant is nowhere to be found.

The captain calls the hotel that the flight attendant is staying at, he gets put through to get room. The flight attendant answers the phone, and the captain is freaking out he says "Why are you in your room!? We are supposed to be in the air in 30 minuets!"

The flight attendant is in tears and replies "I am stuck in my room, there's no way out!"

The captain asks how this is possible, knowing it's such a nice hotel.

The flight attendant responds. "There's two doors, one is the bathroom, and the other says 'DO NOT DISTURB.'"

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Guy I used to know but have since lost contact with had as his email signature "I'd rather smoke and fly than drink and drive".

Always thought that a rather good one.

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